August 09, 2012

All Over the Road in Italy

So many thoughts...

We couldn't get into the Vatican catacombs that Erica had spoken of in the comments. You need about 2 mo advanced notice for tickets and I didn't know. So instead we went to the catacombs at the Immaculate Church. There is a church/chapel for the Capuchin Monks.

I'm not sure what to say. It is one of the most bizarre places I've ever been to. The crypts... they are open with the monks full on skeleton in their monk robes, positioned and someone took the time to take various bones and decorate the crypts.

I wasn't sure what to think. Ghoulish... some would say that, but that sounds like it was done with ill intent or something. Murder. Mayhem. Etcetera, etcetera.

Odd. Just... Odd. Google it. The boys were speechless. No, we did not take pictures. That seemed ghoulish...

Rome... is huge. You just stumble over ancient everywhere you go. Ancient and in some cases still utilized.

It's nearly too much. As our Vatican guide said to us when I was speaking of it, "Ahhh... You will love Florence. Florence is a cup of champagne. Rome is a liter of red wine..."

The Vatican was so amazing that we went back on our own for another 3 hours. We could have spent a week.

The Basilica... It left me speechless. I need to do research on all I saw... the significance of some of the statues. It was the Basilica that had me push my husband that we would go back to the Vatican after already having had a tour. The Sistine Chapel is amazing... but The Basilica... I'm still speechless.

The magnitude. The beauty. Understanding the history. All of it...

We have had some excellent food, having stumbled upon a local restauranteur who gave us a list of places to eat, including a purely local hole in the wall pizza place where you stand to eat your slice, the ladies didn't speak a lick of English and were completely startled to see us. They cut our pizza with scissors, something the boys have decided we will do for now on.

We will own pizza sheers.

Yesterday as we were at the Vatican, we stumbled across a couple pictures of David and Goliath. The following was the conversation at dinner:

Bones: David and Goliath...

Me: Yes, David... he slew the giant. Goliath.

Ringo: You remember that from the Bible story.

Bones: Oh yeah yeah, the one with the lima beans...

Me, T, Ringo, my husband, collectively: *blink*

Ringo: Lima beans.... ?

Bones: Yeah, they threw them in the ground and a big stalk formed. I don't remember when the beans turned into a stalk in that story...

T: You mean... Jack and the beanstalk?


Ringo: Completely different stories. There were no beans in David and Goliath...

And I should be cataloging these stories as this is just one of many. We have come to the conclusion that Bones is completely geographically ignorant. He is that person on the street that Jay Leno stops and asks a question like, "Who is the VP" and they reply something like, "Joe DiMaggio".

He is that person that you cringe when they answer and you think, "NO! They did NOT just say that!"

For instance, if there were no ocean, I could nearly walk to Haiti just as fast as I could get to my parent's house. It is just 150 miles more to Port au Prince. We have many many Haitian immigrants in West Palm.

We realized the other day, that Bones thought that Haiti was in Africa. Obviously it is because they are black and everyone in the US now calls black people African Americans, so in Bones mind, if you are black, you are from Africa, and since we have black Haitians in West Palm, Haiti must be in Africa.

But my two older boys and I were nearly speechless.

There have been little bombs of wisdom dropped on us all week. It has been enlightening traveling with him...

As for the Bidet, the last hotel had one, with the towel, a little opening in the wall with plastic bags that said, 'for lady' and some liquid soap in small packets.

All of this was lost on my boys except the bidet.

I have absolutely no intention of explaining to them exactly what one is. I personally think they are extraordinarily civil, the bidets, not my boys, and I wish I had one.

But there are certain things my boys, not having sisters I guess, just don't completely get yet when it comes to women although they know things occur. And I'm just not going to get into it with them. If I had a daughter? Yes. Definitely. There is no shame. But my boys? No. Their father can handle it. I just won't.

So Bones is still calling it the butt washer and T is full on in agreement and Ringo says nothing which leads me to believe he gets it all.

We have had to have separate rooms since European rooms do not hold five. I walked into their room today (we are now in Florence) and Bones has a special bar of soap in his hand. It is the bidet soap that I noticed when I set my items in the bathroom. It sits on a soap dish next to the bidet, next to the special bidet towels.

I walk in and Bones is demonstrating with this bar of soap... "And look at this. It came with it's very own butt washing soap. So you sit down, grab this soap, scrub your butt (he is demonstrating washing his butt) and then the water just washes it off. Everyone has really clean butts..."

And T replied, "Wow... really?"

It is the Gospel according to Bones.

Everyone in Italy has really clean butts.

Posted by Boudicca at August 9, 2012 11:25 AM

After reading this, I don't feel fresh. And I'm stuck owning 100 shares of Georgia Pacific.

Posted by: Mockingbird at August 9, 2012 12:01 PM

*Lima beans* That was good.

And I want a bidet now, of course.

Posted by: pam at August 9, 2012 01:46 PM

You can get a bidet attachment for your home toilet on Amazon. There are several varieties, ranging from about $35 and up up up. Based on the recommendations of a friend, I bought one of the lower priced ones just to see what it was like. It was totally worth it. (I know, TMI!)

Posted by: DogsDontPurr at August 9, 2012 04:55 PM

Lol, You should write a travel guide when you get back. Definately add the Everyone has really clean butts.

Posted by: AC at August 9, 2012 11:08 PM

I can't stop laughing...I need to share this post with a friend who will appreciate that his countrymen have such clean butts.

As far as women thinking bidets are civil and would love one, I think there's a whole lot more women than we know who feel exactly the same. I'm in on that count!!

Posted by: Peggy K at August 10, 2012 05:30 AM

And once again, Bones doesn't disappoint...

Posted by: diamond dave at August 10, 2012 10:20 AM

LMAO at the comments, and at dear Bones as well. When I was a senior in high school many years ago, I went to France with my French Club. Some of my classmates stood in the bidets and washed their tired feet in them every night. I was speechless...

Posted by: Mary at August 10, 2012 11:37 PM