November 11, 2012

Florida Families

It's been a crazy week.

My niece moved back into town and she and her Mom have been visiting as they get her settled. She has an internship with a park ranger group (she's an environmental scientist and is about to go to grad school) in a tiny little park. She's living in a trailer on... the beach. You can't beat that. Her only concern is the palmetto bugs. I informed her that's a show stopper for me.

Palmetto bugs, for those of you not from the South, are these ginormous roaches that can be 3 inches long. And they fly. And hiss. I told her my fear of them is beyond normal and has moved into down right irrational. I can't even kill them. Just... the thought of the crunch is enough for me to start to wig out and hyperventilate. I told her that I'm more inclined to pelt it with shoes from 4 feet away and then a week later when I get the nerve to move the shoes, when the roach is gone, I can actually rationalize that magic happened and it *POOF!* disappeared into thin air like something out of Star Trek. It is mentally easier for me to go down that magic road.

As absurd as it sounds to even write.

However, she completely agreed with me, my 25 year old niece, a kindred soul when it comes to Palmetto bugs. I told her I think what bothers me is that it's never a case of just seeing one walk across the floor. They're always places they don't belong, like open a drawer and there it is, sitting in a spoon. (That always elicits a scream.) Or open a cabinet, this is the worst, and it comes FLYING AT YOU and hissing.


Ghastly. Absolutely ghastly.

She recently broke up with her boyfriend so she could move to Florida. I said to her, "Listen to me... this is why one gets married. Opening jars and killing bugs. They have their reasons. We have ours. And by the way, hairspray doesn't work. You need the real bug spray..."

Anyway, this is not what the post was going to be about. Monster Roaches. No.

So my husband and three sons have been at the Gator game. If you don't keep up with college ball, UF was playing a small college, and until the last 4 seconds of the game, were tied 20-20 and pulled it out by the Grace of God and Gator Luck.

He said it was too stressful. I was glad I wasn't there. Gator Homecoming has become my quiet weekend at home.

My eldest has his first job and orientation. He got a job at a place that sounds like "mamberzombie and hitch". During his interview they asked him what he thought about diversity.

He replied, 'Everyone brings something different to the table..." That is a quote I use often when kids at school get under my kids' skin.

Then he said, "Wouldn't the world be so boring if we were all the same..." That is a quote I use when Bones is irritating the stew out of Ringo and T.

So, if you think your teenage kids aren't listening. You're wrong. They're listening. And maybe they'll keep some little nugget to use in a job interview.

Hey, just wait 10 years. I suspect one of my three boys will have a book out with the title, 'Sh!t My Mom Says...'

Posted by Boudicca at November 11, 2012 10:17 AM

Ah - Palmetto Bugs. Can't stand them. Have seen them on vacations in the Caribbean and FL. My opinion is that they are leftovers from the Jurassic Period, left here to remind us of our insignificance. They are the size of Pterodactyls and scarier.

Posted by: Kris, in New England at November 13, 2012 08:46 AM

Now that the comments are working again... palmetto bugs freak me out to the extent that all I hear is screaming... and suddenly I'm across the room.

It's because they fly at you. In the face. Ack!

Posted by: pam at November 13, 2012 08:55 AM

She called me last night that she had her first kill. I said, "You are a better woman than me. Did you remove the body?" There was a stillness on the phone and then she said, "No. I called you. I figured... Let me call Aunt Bou and see if I can't procrastinate enough that maybe I'll find the courage to actually get rid of the dead body..."

She was so dang funny. She said peppermint oil kills them. She has some environmentally friendly insecticide. She's an environmentalist. (She voted on the economy...)

Posted by: Bou at November 13, 2012 09:46 AM