February 20, 2013

Bones on P0rn

As my kids get older, in particular Bones, the conversations get... edgier and funnier. Edgier because sometimes they take an unexpected sexual slant.

I've always been very open with my boys. They can ask anything and I'll explain it. Y'all have read some of the crazy conversations that have happened. I was raised this way and I have followed suit.

My husband? He may plead the 5th, modest as he is, but I'm upfront and honest and what I've found is they'll ask me just about anything without a blush.

They'll say anything around each other too. There are times I'll be in the other room and hear a conversation that I have NO desire to hear and I'll yell, "HEY! HEY! HEY! Your MOTHER is in this room and she can HEAR YOU. STOP IT!"

Which is usually met with a laugh, and then quiet.

So yesterday Bones got in the car and something came up about the SI bathing suit issue.

Me: The bathing suit issue came out and I didn't know.

Bones: Yup.

Me: Did anyone see it?

Bones: Yeah. We all saw it.

Me: All four of you?

Bones: Yup.

Me: Soft p0rn. I got you all soft p0rn.

Sidenote: if you recall, I started this SI thing as a Christmas gift to T one year, completely forgetting about the swimsuit edition.

Bones: Mom, really, it's not that bad.

Me: They have painted on bathing suits...

Bones: They don't show anything. Trust me...

Me: Hey, txt T and tell him we're 10 min from getting him from Bob's.

Bones, txting: Hey. Mom and I are talking about p0rn. And we're 10 minutes away...

Me: Great.

So tonight he had Confirmation class. As we were driving over he said to me, "You know tonight... is the sex talk."

Me: Sex talk? You know about sex...

Bones, eyebrow raised, talking all cool: I know. I do. But this is the 'don't have sex' talk.

So off he went to Confirmation Class, to hear people he doesn't really know tell him not to have sex before he gets married.

Bones: Well, that was uncomfortable. I mean. You'd think they'd at least pick someone who wasn't so uncomfortable talking about it! Geez. It's sex...

Me: I know. Everyone does it....

Bones: Without sex, there is no populating. You have to have it to continue the human race...

Me: I know. Billions and billions of people....

Bones: And every time she had to say it, she'd pause and then say, "You know... have sex..." I wanted to say, "Get a grip! Just say it!"

Me: What can I say...

It is appearing at this point, that I'm just listening, with little interjections.

Bones: Mom. It was all about pre-marital sex.

Me: Yup. We knew that.

Bones: You know there are thousands and thousands of people having pre-marital sex...

Me, sitting more upright: *blink* yes...

Bones: Thousands.

Now I'm wondering where this is going. What in the heck do I say to this? Thousands? Let's try... tens of thousands. Hundreds of thousands.

Bones: Mom, you should check online. You know there have to be p0rn sites all over the place. All those people are having sex and being PAID for it. You know they aren't married. And Mom, there have to be literally thousands and thousands of sites. So that right there should tell you, there are thousands of people having sex that aren't married.

So that is Bones rationale that there are people having pre-marital sex, irrefutable proof, because there is on-line p0rn.

How do you argue with that?

Because evidently people NOT participating in p0rn are NOT having pre-marital sex.

And just so you know, when he went through his schpiel, I started to laugh so hard, I nearly peed in my car. I couldn't help it. The laughing.

Posted by Boudicca at February 20, 2013 10:31 PM

I can't wait to hear my youngest talk about it... bet he is alot like bones...

Posted by: vwbug at February 21, 2013 06:09 AM

You can't argue with his logic! :D

Posted by: pam at February 21, 2013 08:05 AM

I remember once, many years ago, when my wife & I were looking for something to watch one evening on cable and settled for "Dirty Dancing" (y'know, the one with the late Patrick Swayze). Whereas our stepson had to pipe in, "don't you DARE!" We then had to explain to him that no, really, we WEREN'T watching some cheap porn movie.

Posted by: diamond dave at February 21, 2013 01:03 PM

Aren't kids great?

I read this at 3:00 AM, having a sleepless night. After reading this, I'll be laughing until sunrise. Thanks Bou. (I think...)

Posted by: Old AF Sarge at February 23, 2013 03:13 AM