July 16, 2013

Losing Again

My parents instilled in me an independence, being able to take care of myself. It is through education that they instilled it, making sure I picked a major where I could get a job and support myself.

Men leave.

Men die.

It is what it is.

This has been happening since the beginning of man, a woman left with children to care for, for one reason or another.

I remember one year when we had small children and I wasn't working, my husband was on the roof putting up Christmas lights.

I walked out onto the front yard and yelled up to him, "You better be careful up there! I'm not even sure I'm good for minimum wage anymore!"

He rolled his eyes, but I was serious. That was my first thought.

How awful is that?

It wasn't, "He'd be dead" or "He'd break an arm" or anything else. It was, "How in the hell am I going to support this family if you're dead?" (Yes, we have life insurance.)

I guess this is a long way of saying I have yet another parent funeral to go to.

How many of these things have I attended over the years? How many have I not attended because I was out of town or had a major conflict?

I don't remember parents dying when I was a kid, other that Vietnam or a military accident (both horrific).

I've gone to funerals of a mother who died of cervical cancer and sat there with the crying classmates of her children thinking, 'Who? Who dies of cervical cancer?" The stat is so low in the United States I was stunned that I knew someone.

By the time my eldest son graduated from 8th grade, nearly 10% of the kids in his class had lost a parent.

By the time my last son left his school in 5th grade, his stat was climbing close.

It's never the same thing. It's freaky accidents, cancers, mothers, fathers, nobody growing up in the same place... no link.

I don't know.

My husband can't attend as he's busy, so I'm looking to go with a girlfriend. I don't want to go alone. I'm so sick for the family.

So... that's been consuming a lot of thoughts.

I have some funny posts coming. I do. I'm just not really... in the mood.

But last night I laughed when my eldest realized he didn't have bread crumbs at his dorm to make chicken parmesan, so he used honey bunches of oats flakes and made... honey bunches of oats chicken.

I think I might miss college...

Posted by Boudicca at July 16, 2013 09:42 PM

I'm sorry to read that, Bou!

Posted by: PeggyU at July 17, 2013 02:06 AM

If your friend can't make it, let me know. I'll go with you.

Posted by: vwbug at July 17, 2013 05:46 AM

I'm sorry.

The stats seem higher for you because you know so very many people.

Posted by: pam at July 17, 2013 08:08 AM

Corn flakes work good too.

I must live a sheltered life. None of my children ever had to experience this. We did have one young man shoot himself in the student parking lot because he set himself up for all sorts of jail time, drugs and weapons at school ... manditory expulsion and jail sentence, but we lost no parents.

When I was in high school one my scoutmasters died from lung cancer, but that was it.

I also lost friends in junior high and high school: meningitis, neck broken after falling out of a truck, and abducted/murdered after her store was robbed. One talked to the parents, gave your condolences, and carried on.

Posted by: The Thomas at July 17, 2013 08:37 AM

I suggested cornflakes first, which is he ended up doing the whole honey bunches of oats things.

This situation with this family appears to get more and more dire every day to me. I'm a little pissed at the situation. It's going to be difficult for me not to think some bad thoughts about the deceased and the state he left his family in.

Such great kids...

Posted by: Bou at July 17, 2013 09:27 PM

My wife has used cornflakes, honey nut cheerios, and even Froot Loops (truly!) to bread chicken with, and all have been quite tasty. Warning about the Froot Loops - it tastes great, but tends to give the chicken unsettling colors.

Posted by: diamond dave at July 18, 2013 09:46 AM

Another? I wonder if it's Florida... wow. I think when my kids were young I knew of 2 fathers who died during their entire time as school age kids. Both were heart attacks (one was a very young 40 years old). Then there was one child who died, a very sad story (suicide). Otherwise, even with the large number of people we knew in general, life just moved along.

My prayers for the family. It' sounds as if they really need them along with quite a bit of practical help.

Posted by: Teresa at July 19, 2013 10:41 AM