September 24, 2013

Bones Has a Girlfriend

And it would be the girl with the see through shirt that he refused to speak to until she put on some clothes.

After that incident, I noticed she was texting him a lot. She'd be somewhere she didn't want to be and she'd text him. She'd wake up and she'd text him.

So I've been waiting. From events I knew going on in her life via things Bones had said, suddenly from an outsider watching the events, he seemed like some sort of beacon.

I have this joke with my boys. They'll come through the kitchen to get food and I'll be washing dishes and I'll say, "How's your girlfriend?" to which the reply is always the same, "I don't have a girlfriend..."

And so it was Monday when I randomly said to Bones, "How's your girlfriend?" and he said, "Fine".

And that got a stop from me, a look up, and I said, "It's Lisa, isn't it?" and he nodded his head and walked out.

So there you have it.

------------------

There is a cute little girl that goes to T's school. We've known her since she was 5 and I like her a lot. She is smart, funny, pretty. I had hoped that T would date her.

My husband hoped that too.

Today in the car, I did a rendition of "how's your girlfriend" and said, "How's Mary?" to which he replied, "She got her phone and car taken away..."

This is an honors student. This is a polite girl who we really really like. What in the hell does a girl like that do to have her car and phone taken away.

I was stunned and said, "What in the world did she do to warrant THAT?"

He said simply, "They thought she was partying too hard."

I wasn't sure how to respond to that. It turns out she drinks a lot and the kicker was when she was caught driving while high.

I was devastated.

I sat there quietly sad. Finally I said, "I'm sad. I didn't know..."

T was driving at the time. He looked over at me quietly getting small in the passenger seat and said, 'Mom, everyone does that crap".

I looked over and said, 'Do they make fun of you because you don't?"

He smiled and said reassuringly, "No. It doesn't bother them a bit."

I don't understand the world. There are days I feel like hiding...

Posted by Boudicca at September 24, 2013 07:41 PM
Comments

.... never hide, Bou..... you are raising some amazing young men.....

Posted by: Eric at September 24, 2013 08:26 PM

Like I said before re Bones and "Lisa", people trust you when you have standards.

Bones declared a standard and she chose to live up to it. It probably made her feel good that someone had expectations for her.

That "feeling good" is probably what is behind her messaging with Bones. As long as he stays who he is, standards and all, he shouldn't have many problems.

In my day we had problems with honors students too. The valedictorian of my brother's HS got put on probation at her teacher's college because she chose to party too hearty. And she didn't go to the notoriously party school that my brother and I attended. It all comes down to the individual student and whether they have internalized personal rules.

Posted by: The Thomas at September 25, 2013 08:31 AM

Eric and The Thomas have said it all. I can only add a couple things.

It is very hard, when you've known a child for that long, to suddenly find out they are not what you thought. *sigh* It's like someone pulled a switch on you and it leaves you feeling cheated... where is the person you thought was there?

And you are raising such wonderful young men! Keep up whatever you are doing, it's working. :)

Posted by: Teresa at September 25, 2013 07:31 PM

RE: "Mary"
I'm sad her parents felt punishing her was the way to change her behaviour. In my experience it will just make her hide it better. Honours students who party tend to be using it as a release valve for the pressure they are under - often the high expectations they put on themselves. Why do I think this? Because 25 years ago that was me. I was a straight A student, captain of my school, a regional track champion, with a serious part time job and a Sunday School class full of 8 year olds who's parents thought I was a great example for them and yet every Friday and Satureday night I would binge drink with my friends until I was practically unconcious.

If someone doesn't teach her how to deal with stress without drinking/drugs now it may take her years and some tough experiences to learn that. I hope things turn out OK for her.

Posted by: Shaz at September 26, 2013 12:27 AM

Shaz- It's a yes and no for me.

I think part of the punishment was right... driving while high is a bad thing. I'd take my kid's car away if he was drinking and driving. Can't be responsible enough to be sober while driving? You can't drive.

That said... another parent and I were discussing the stress factor. We both hope that whole angle is being looked into by the parents.

One day I may be faced with this. I don't throw rocks. But I've been mulling over what I think I might want to do in this situation.

Posted by: Bou at September 26, 2013 05:42 AM

Bou ... that "one day when you are faced with this" will probably involve Bones, on-line video, and a hoard of thousands.

You be careful out there.

Posted by: The Thomas at September 26, 2013 09:22 AM