November 04, 2013

When Things Don't Make Sense

It's been a tough week here. The mother of a girl in Mr. T's homeroom was murdered last week. The father murdered her. He's dead now as well.

The whole thing is gruesome and awful. We're angry. We're sickened. We're sad.

I'm angry that the local press has put so much out there about what happened... the state of the body etc. The mother had been the school nurse at Bones' school last year, so Bones actually knew her.

And liked her.

So that means all the kids from the middle school are following the news. All the classmates of the daughter are following the news.

And we've lost the modicum of civility, the gory details are being played out in front of our children as it's become personal to them.

And we try to shelter, try to talk to them as they try to make sense of something of which nothing can be made sense.

There are things you never expect to have to talk to your children about.

I'm angry at the attorneys. It was a nasty divorce and you can't convince me that they weren't a catalyst to the acrimony... adding fuel to ugly bad feelings.

There was a paycheck involved to them. "She's a bitch, we won't let her take you for what she thinks she's entitled to..." and "He's just a real bastard. You deserve it all..."

You can hear it, can't you?

But there were children involved... some grown, one not, but there were offspring.

And now both parents are dead, there is probably not any money left, the girls are left reeling and devastated... and we're struggling to watch it, praying for them, donating, hoping that they can make it through...

... but not seeing how because we don't know how we would... and we're the adults.

Tough week for so many people. And I'm just a spectator.

Posted by Boudicca at November 4, 2013 10:19 PM

I am ready for 2013 to be over. Please let it get easier from this point forward.

Posted by: vwbug at November 5, 2013 05:59 AM

My ex killed our daughter, his current wife, their son and then himself. The current wife had had enough and was leaving. The courts, cops, and other authority figures said I was a 'hysterical female' when I told them he was a violent nut-job. Guess I wasn't. It's been 20 years and I still get sick, second guessing myself, about what I could have done to prevent what happened.

Friends of this family could do what my husband and the ex's friends and family did. They went to the media with the facts and demanded they investigate the system for it colossal failure. The media shut-up real fast allowing the families and friends to grieve in peace.

By the way my lawyer never egged me on. And I really don't think his did either.

Posted by: Judy at November 5, 2013 11:23 AM

Judy- That is probably one of the most horrible and sad stories I have ever heard from anyone who reads me and I cannot convey to you my deep sorrow for your loss and all you've had to endure.

It sickens me. I'm so very sorry...

We have no idea what was going on in this family, only details of the gruesome murder and of the odd financial dealings. It breaks our hearts.

The funeral is tomorrow and it is going to be a media circus.

Shame on them...

Posted by: Bou at November 5, 2013 04:54 PM

"The funeral is tomorrow and it is going to be a media circus.

Shame on them..."

Yes it is! Is there any way somebody like the Patriot Guard could get involved to shield the family from the media circus? We designated my brother-in-law as family spokesman if the media had shown up. We were lucky and they didn't. Maybe the men from yours or their church could line up and shield the family. They deserve to be able to morn in peace.

If my experience is typical, it is going to take years to work through the grief and make peace with it without any help from the peanut gallery(media and gawkers).

And thank-you for your words of condolences they are very much appreciated.

Posted by: Judy at November 5, 2013 06:59 PM

I'm not sure what is going to happen... I'm hoping something has been played to keep the press away. I'm not going. I didn't know the family and I'm expressing my condolences quietly to the family via donations.

My son has decided not to go. He told me it's going to be too sad. I told him there are going to be so many people there that it will be standing room only and he need not worry.

And he is right. It is going to be so very very sad...

Our school had to send out an email to all the families saying if we were going to go, how to avoid the media and to not wear school clothing. School identified clothing might make you a target for the media and the goal is to help preserve the privacy of the family.

Posted by: Bou at November 5, 2013 09:51 PM

On the media: The FAMILY (daughters) drew interest to the case when the mother 'went missing." So from that point on, it became a big local story. For better or worse, it's the nature of the media to compete to offer MORE details and info, not less.

Someone I know very closely is constantly worried about national politics. I told him whatever happens nationally and to him as a result, it pales in comparison to what those three girls are dealing with. Orphans at that young age. UGH.

I have no real experience with lawyers, but when a high-paid friend began divorce proceedings years ago, both were in friendly agreement to split until the woman's lawyer bugged her about how much money she could stick the (ex)husband for.

Posted by: George P. at November 5, 2013 10:25 PM

I am so sorry. What a horrific situation. My prayers are with all...

Posted by: pam at November 6, 2013 12:32 PM

Bou, I have seen this story before.

The guy that bought the florist where my son worked had all sorts of properties, airplanes, boats, ... all mortgaged against one another.

When he realized that he could no longer make any payments, he went to a motel and took LD100 of Tylenol-DM and alcohol.

He might as well have killed his wife as he forged her signature to mortgage the house out from under her. She ended up ruined by the time the courts got done even if she kept part ownership of the house.

Lord knows what happened to his teenaged kids. At least they still had their mother even if she was bankrupt and had to start over in finding employment to put food on the table.


A couple years ago we had a realtor do something similar with kiting properties. Went to his storage unit and shot himself.

Left one kid in HS and one in college. I think the wife kept the house, but she had to start over.

His business stands shuttered on Main Street and the courts and banks are still trying to straighten out the land contracts he held on the houses he "sold".

No lawyers were directly involved in either case.

Posted by: The Thomas at November 6, 2013 10:55 PM

George- It doesn't make it right. As if they've not been victimized enough, both parents dead and now all this crap being played out over and over and worse and worse.

Posted by: Bou at November 6, 2013 11:01 PM

You are not just a spectator, you are on the front line of damage control for your family, and as many others as you can help.... Terrible situation. Prayers for the victims involved, to include everyone at that school.

Posted by: Web at November 7, 2013 07:10 AM

Bou: This is just terrible. Sending love to all involved.

Judy: deeply moved by your story. I cannot imagine how one goes on after such an horrific loss. My deepest sympathies.

Posted by: Shaz at November 7, 2013 07:04 PM