August 03, 2014

Limitations

My husband took the boys away for the weekend. I had 15 women at my home for a retreat. LOVE my husband for doing this for me... being understanding and making things happen at home so I can do what needs to be done in my other life.

I received a text from Bones last night that one of their friends had been killed.

This morning I found out that one of Mr. T's friends since 3rd grade had been accidentally shot. He died within five minutes.

T and his buddy quit hanging out together in 8th grade. They were still friends in school, but didn't hang out after. His buddy had started smoking pot and that just wasn't T's thing. T still liked him, but when someone starts doing drugs, you just don't hang in the same circles.

Still, he liked the kid, hoped for the best for him, and when they went off to high school, they went their separate ways. I had wanted the Mom to send her son to T's high school. I had hoped he'd get on the football team. There are drugs in every high school, but the school she was going to send her son to had even an edgier element I wouldn't have wanted my son around, in particular if he'd had a problem already with drugs.

Ups and downs they had, I lost touch, but she was a great Mom, always trying to do the right thing, stay active in their lives, listen to them, council them.

And last night something went wrong. Another teenager had a gun. And now my son's friend from middle school is dead.

T is a wreck. I didn't think he was at first, I thought he was taking it in stride, but when my husband took him to Mass today... he pulled me aside later and said T is struggling.

I'll go to the funeral with him. I'm already letting people know on the side that I may have to cancel some things in the event of the funeral. I need to be there with my son.

I'm just... devastated for my kids. In the last 12 months, Bones had two janitors murdered at his school by another Janitor. Then a little girl in T's homeroom, her mother, who had also been Bones' school nurse in middle school, was murdered by her ex husband (the girl's father). Horrific... horrific... he dumped her body in some cane fields. Then in January, two kids that went to school with Bones were murdered by their mother before she committed suicide.

And now a friend has been killed.

This is not how I grew up. My kids should not be struggling with murder. And although this was unintentional, this young man was killed... he was murdered. That makes the 6th in 12 months.

My husband sat down with them today and lectured them. "There are only two reasons for a gun to be pulled out. The first is you're at the gun range and you're there to practice. The second is it's being pulled out to shoot someone. If you are EVER anywhere that gun is pulled out, that is your cue to leave immediately".

I cannot believe we had to have that lecture. But then again, we never thought we'd have to attend the funeral of a teenage boy, let alone a teenage boy having died of a gunshot.

I am done.

Posted by Boudicca at August 3, 2014 10:42 PM
Comments

... I can barely grasp the tragedy, and I am so sorry that your boys are being put through the wringer of Life at such an early age..... we're sending you good vibes from Tennessee....

Posted by: Eric at August 4, 2014 08:33 AM

We have been lucky in our little town here. Nothing even remotely devastating but we are not ignorant. We constantly talk to our children about the dangers that are out there everywhere. Hang in there!

Jilly

Posted by: Jilly at August 4, 2014 08:28 PM

I feel for you.

We only lost 3 people before I graduated from High School (oh so long ago). One was meningitis, one broke her neck falling off a truck, and one was taken hostage during a robbery and later found dead in a field.

We only lost one child while my kids were in High School. He blew his mind out in a car ... possession of drugs at school, possession of a gun in the school ... which he took out to the car and then used. I knew him from the Jr Hi Ski Club. I wish I could have talked to him along with our school resource Officer. Said officer is/was a recovered juvenile delinquent ... with the help of one of his teachers.

The other kids we lost were after High School when one of the former-students got into dealing drugs which resulted in a couple of Heroin overdoses at a house a couple of blocks from where I live.

Like John Walters said ... Heroin in the Suburbs. It would be like if it were to happen at the next cul-de-sac over from your house. Hard to imagine, but (in this case) the news reports did not lie.

Posted by: The Thomas at August 4, 2014 08:42 PM

It is a struggle. I wish I had answers but I don't and I am still struggling with how to talk to my kids about all of this as they find out.

Posted by: vwbug at August 5, 2014 05:27 AM

It just wasn't like that when I was growing up. It wasn't until I was in the Army before I knew someone that died early. My kids didn't know anyone that died in high school either.

Mothers didn't strap their children in car seats and drive into lakes with them. Men didn't kill their wife and children then themselves. The level of violence has changed in our society and now both we and our children have to deal with it.

Your husbands discussion about leaving when a gun comes out is good, I'll use that one with my grandson when he gets old enough.

Posted by: marcus erroneous at August 5, 2014 08:30 PM

The urge to grab my family and sequester them in Montana is overwhelming.

This one undid me. Seriously, this one fried me.

Viewing is tomorrow night. I'm physically ill inside thinking of having to face the family.

Posted by: Bou at August 5, 2014 08:57 PM